This sound walk through an imaginary castle can be performed at any 'heritage' site. The guide challenges how visitors experience the prompts of historical interpretation by adding layers of imagined history that are mysterious and arbitrary. The style imitates conventional interpretive audio guides, before revealing a narrative that is non-didactic, destabilizing, weird and comical. I made space for class commentary and for including the more-than-human. This audio was mostly improvised while walking and slightly refined afterwards. It was then recorded at five different sites, including two Norman ruined castles, one in England and one in Wales and a Neolithic burial chamber. You may begin this walk anywhere. It is intended to take 25-45 minutes.